Caregivers need to work together to help support one another and the person they love but working together takes effort. What helps make a good team tick.
Caregiving shouldn’t be done alone! It’s very common that when someone we love, like a parent, starts to decline one person steps up to the challenge and becomes the primary caregiver, maybe that’s you but remember caregiving is best done as a team sport.
Taking care of someone with a memory care condition can be incredibly draining and as a caregiver you’ll need help and respite along the way. If you’re not the primary caregiver your role is also incredibly important, the more the caregiving is shared the better for your loved ones. Stick together to help shoulder the burden.
We designed Lizzy to help caregiving teams work together better. By adding other potential caregivers such as family members, friends and even the professionals (like home health aides) to your Lizzy care circle you can use the shared tasks and Care Feed to keep everyone up-to-date on what’s going on.
Here’s some advice on how to make sure you’re working together successfully.
Support each other
Being supportive of each other will make the job of caregiving easier for everyone
The key to a successful caregiving circle is to take care of each other as well as the person you’re caring for. Be mindful of everyone’s needs and emotions. This is a difficult time and everyone needs to pull together.
Each person on the caregiving team will have different strengths. Some people might be handy around the home, some people might be good at cooking and preparing meals and others might be more equipped to handle the legal and financial paperwork. As a care circle, take time to understand each other’s strengths and play to them. Each person might have different levels of availability of other people to take care of so make sure the expectations are realistic.
Sometimes family members who are caring for the same person can have pre-existing and unresolved issues. Taking on the pressure of looking after a loved one with dementia can amplify these issues and make a situation worse. Make sure that you try and talk these issues through. If you get into a situation where there’s a disagreement then sometimes it can be best to try and let the problem go. Getting angry will only make you more stressed and that isn’t helping the person you both care about.
No one is a mind reader
Keep lines of communication open so everyone can work together
One of the main reasons family and friends don’t help more with caregiving is that they simply don’t know what needs to be done. Making sure that everyone is on the same page and has all the facts can help everyone understand how serious the situation is and what help is really needed. We felt that too and that’s why we built Lizzy – to help caregiving teams communicate with each other more effectively and keep an open list of all the things that need to get done.
If you’re at the beginning of this journey then it is a good idea to set up a family/team meeting so that you can let everyone know what’s going on. Continuing to have regular check ins with the care circle is also a great way to make sure everyone is aware of everything that’s going on, finding out how everyone is doing and sorting out upcoming responsibilities.
Make sure your loved one who is receiving care is involved in the conversation, talk to them about what they envision for life as they get older and as their memory care condition worsens.
Make sure if you’re caring for your loved one and you spot a new behavior or symptom you share the information with the care circle. If you’re responsible for taking your loved one to an appointment make sure to share any comments from the doctor or new test results.
Don’t only share the bad news, make sure to share the moments of celebration and inspiration too. Voice your appreciation of what others in the care circle are doing and keep everyone feeling positive.
Managing long distance relationships
Caregivers who live further away can still be involved
It’s natural that those living the closest to the person with dementia will take on more responsibility for caregiving. But if you live far away that doesn’t mean that you can’t help.
If you live further away then you can help the caregiving team with research and paperwork, you can make regular phone calls to your loved one (and the other caregivers) to see how they’re doing. Social connection makes a big difference for people with memory care conditions and so keeping them engaged with a regular phone call can really help. You can also offer to come and stay close by for short periods to help give the nearby caregivers a break, believe us, they’ll be very grateful!
Remember that if you’re a caregiver living further away, try to avoid telling the nearby caregivers what to do. If you are further away you might not have a full understanding of the situation on the ground or the pressures on the nearby caregivers so it’s best to let them stay in charge so as not to lead to disagreements and rising levels of frustration with each other.
Take care of yourself
Don’t neglect your own needs while caregiving
Caregiving is hard and stressful. It’s OK to acknowledge when you’re feeling under pressure. Talk to the care circle when you need help. Learn to recognize some of the signs of stress in yourself and others. For more thoughts on how to manage stress take a look at our course on ‘Managing caregiving stress’.
