When you’re concerned about a loved one’s cognitive decline, it can be frustrating—and even heartbreaking—if other family members don’t yet believe there’s a problem. Family dynamics can complicate an already emotional situation, especially if some members are in denial about your loved one’s need for memory care. But there are ways to manage these challenges with empathy and communication.
1. Treat Denial with Compassion and Empathy
Denial often stems from fear, sadness, or the unwillingness to face a reality that feels overwhelming. Much like how you would approach a loved one in denial about their own cognitive decline, it’s important to treat your family members with patience and understanding. They may not be ready to accept the diagnosis, but it’s crucial to remind them that you all have the same goal—ensuring the best possible care for your loved one.
Try approaching the conversation gently: “I know this is hard for all of us, but we’re in this together. Let’s figure out how we can make things easier for [your loved one].” Encourage your family members to speak with an objective professional like a dementia care coach or therapist, who can help them process their emotions and provide an impartial perspective.
For more tips, check out our article on What Do I Do if My Loved One is in Denial of Their Cognitive Decline?
2. Understand the Root of Their Denial
Denial can manifest for various reasons, and understanding why family members may resist acknowledging the dementia diagnosis is key to addressing their concerns. Common reasons include:
- Fear: They may be scared of what the future holds, unsure how the disease will progress, or afraid of losing the person they once knew. If fear is driving their denial, offer education on dementia, its stages, and how early intervention can improve quality of life.
- Overwhelm: The responsibilities of caregiving can seem daunting, especially for family members already managing busy lives. If they’re feeling overwhelmed, invite them to be a part of the solution with set tasks or responsibilities. Ask them to research memory care services, assist with scheduling appointments, or help in other manageable ways. When people are actively involved in the process, they may begin to see the reality of the situation more clearly.
3. Communicate Openly and Frequently
Maintaining an open line of communication is essential when addressing family denial. Regular, transparent conversations about your loved one’s condition and the changes you’re observing can help ease some resistance.
Use shared tools like the Lizzy Care app to facilitate updates. The Care Feed is a great way to keep everyone informed in real-time about doctor visits, medication changes, and safety concerns. It can also help the family track behavioral patterns that signal cognitive decline. For example, sharing your observations of forgotten conversations or increased confusion might help them see the changes for themselves.
Frequent communication also helps distribute caregiving responsibilities more equitably, ensuring that no single family member feels overburdened. Having regular discussions and updates also allows you to adjust the care plan as circumstances evolve, creating a unified approach.
4. Provide Gentle Evidence
Sometimes, family members in denial need to see the changes themselves. Without overwhelming them, consider sharing subtle observations about your loved one’s condition during family gatherings. Point out things like missed appointments, forgetfulness, or trouble navigating once-familiar spaces. Use specific examples that they can’t ignore, such as “I noticed Mom forgot her way back home yesterday from the grocery store, which she’s never done before.”
The goal isn’t to force the issue but to gently guide them to see the reality of the situation. This can be done compassionately, without judgment.
5. Be Patient and Set Boundaries if Necessary
It’s important to be patient when dealing with denial—it can take time for family members to come to terms with the reality of dementia. However, if their denial begins to impede your ability to provide adequate care, you may need to set boundaries.
While your goal is to get everyone on the same page, there may be situations where you have to move forward without everyone’s agreement. As difficult as that may be, the priority should always be the well-being of your loved one. Explain the boundaries clearly: “I understand that this is hard for you to accept, but we can’t delay care any longer. I’ll need to move forward with setting up the appropriate care for Mom/Dad.”
By handling their denial with empathy, understanding, and clear communication, you can help bring the family together to provide the best possible care for your loved one. And remember, the Lizzy Care team is here to support you every step of the way.
Ready to Get Support?
If you’re struggling with family members in denial or need guidance on dementia care, schedule a free consultation with Lizzy Care to see how we can help you navigate these challenging dynamics.
